When I first walked into “Clean Juice” I was a little taken back, as there were like eight million young moms in their yoga pants. Not only that, the super clean sterile environment reminded me a bit of the juice places in San Diego, and that alone almost gave me PTSD (no, I don’t want to talk about it).
But, I took a deep breath and tried to look past all of that. I was on a mission for a carrot bowl I had seen on their Instagram weeks ago. Right when I thought I was on the brink of a mental breakdown, one of the friendly looking girls behind the counter smiled and waved, which made the place way more inviting. Also, I was determined to give it a try, because no one gawked at the copious amounts of boob sweat that had accumulated on my tank top from the pure barre class that I took at the Biltmore Y just prior to my expedition to Clean Juice. I almost bolted to the door and ran back to my compact car when I saw the prices, but I didn’t want to look like a sociopath (or a cheap piece of shit), so choked on my pride and ordered a ‘carrot cake bowl’ that I’d been mulling over for way too long.
I was disappointed once again to overhear one of the girls behind the counter tell the lady next to me that the store was a chain (I’m one of those real big assholes that likes to think things in their city are really super special, and exist no where else in the world), regardless- the fact that they have a “rewards program” made up for it (download their app, and apparently you get some pretty sweet deals). I really wanted to save my carrot bowl for later; since I’m a weird fat slob that prefers to eat alone- so the nice girl behind the counter gave me specific instructions on how to preserve my order- until, that is, I devoured it in an unnatural fit of hunger. The carrot bowl itself was way bigger than expected so it took away some of that sticker shock that I initially had; it actually could be a whole meal in itself.
My carrot bowl looked so good, I couldn’t stop staring at it- like a creepy stalker that has finally found their prey; but I hadn’t got a spoon to go; so it would have to sit shotgun for twenty minutes while I salivated over it. I *almost* took off the lid and reached in to scoop out some with my hand, but didn’t want the guys working next door at Orvis (the fishing store), to think I was insane. God forbid I got carted off the the funny farm (again), and didn’t get to eat my lunch. I almost ran a couple big rigs off the road on my way home- whilst gazing at the carrot bowl, damn the clear top of the container, "how dare you tempt me!" I shouted while weaving through traffic so I could get home as quickly as possible to satisfy my taste buds. I was really looking forward to devouring this bowl, but was a little leary because it only had 400 calories. Like, at 400 calories, how good could it really taste, I thought to myself.
The carrot bowl was calling my name, and I couldn’t wait much longer; so as soon as I got home I grabbed a spoon and tasted it. The carrot cake bowl was both sweet and salty, chewy, melty and crunchy all at the same time, I felt like Veruca Salt without the creepy guy that reminded me of a pedophile following me around (Willy Wonka). It tasted so much like a gourmet carrot cake (sans all the fat and calories), I almost wanted to cry. I had satiated my sweet tooth in healthy ways I’ve never experienced before. I’m pretty sure the bowl was vegan too, but to be perfectly honest; I probably would have consumed it anyway even if it did have an elephant fat base. Truth be told; if I wasn’t poor I’d totally go there more often; but if you can afford an eight dollar and fifty cent juice, then have at it. And don’t forget to sign up for their reward card sally. I give ‘Clean Juice’ two thumbs up. Check it out (but just be sure to wear yoga pants and bring a baby so you blend in).
Check Out Clean Juice's Insta Here
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