Vortex Doughnuts

Vortex Doughnuts is a funky retroish donut place not too far from downtown Asheville. My aunt said it was one of the best oily cake places in the south, but she appears to be anorexic so I don’t really trust her opinion on baked goods. Anyway- I’d been drooling over their Instagram at work for weeks, whenever my boss saw me staring into my cellphone at pictures of donuts, I would insist it was part of our new elaborate social media strategy (when really I was just staring at pictures of donuts and daydreaming about food).

It’s right off banks ave; but don’t listen to me- I give terrible directions. If parallel parking makes you break out in hives- don’t get your panties in a bunch- you can pay $3 to park in the parking lot like 100ft away. 

A sweet girl that was sweeping the floor immediately welcomed me and let me know since it was nearing toward the end of the day (4pm) the donuts were buy one get one free. The girl behind the bar was super nice- even though I was extremely indecisive and looked like a sketchy asshole.

I’m not going to lie- the selection of donuts is at the same time exciting yet overwhelming. Beware- if you have social anxiety and the thought of actually making a decision makes you sweat: this might just throw you ever the edge; there are so many (equally yummy looking) choices. But don’t worry- the adorable fluer de lis heart design that the barista makes out of your coffee foam will sooth your soul; and make you feel like less of a fat single loser that peruses Asheville alone looking for tasty treats.

My order was up quicker than you can say “diabetes”, always a plus. The “Bombay”cappuccino I had was by far one of the best coffee drinks I’ve ever tasted- not too sweet with an ah- mazing salty aftertaste. It didn’t however, really taste like Bombay- a little more like Singapore (which is *slightly* disappointing) They offer two different types of donuts to gorge on- cake and yeast (my ignorant dumb ass had no idea such a delicious thing ever existed!) The strawberry cheesecake “cake” donut was super yummy with sprinkles of graham cracker and fresh strawberries. The chocolate matcha donut was even better; and tasted like I was biting into a Starbucks drink; but in a donut... my mind was blown. 

My white trash inner child wished that they had had “donut holes”, but we can’t all be perfect. The best part about Vortex donuts is that I got two donuts and a super fancy brew for only $7 and change. If I wasn’t afraid of becoming insanely obese- I’d come here all the time. Tip; if you get a spot by the window you can watch all the people walk by and gawk over their adorable doggos instead of actual being productive.

Don’t be a dick, bus your own table. Check out their neat art exhibit if no ones sitting in that area; otherwise people might wonder why you’re looming over their table like a total weirdo, and call the police... *sigh*. On that note; all the cops are not hanging out in this donut shop; so feel free to walk like an Egyptian. The merch is in the corner;  by the crapper. Be sure to marvel at their (all gender, yay!) bathroom, it has a hand dryer and paper towel dispenser, if you’re ocd like I am; you’ll understand how truly incredible this is. Don’t ask for a donut bag “to go” like a goobersmooch if you can’t finish your donuts and want them take them home; the doggie bags are over at the bus station. I give Vortex Doughnuts two thumbs up. Oh; and don’t forget to look up- the building itself is pretty freaking cool.

Check out Vortex Doughnuts Instagram here: 

Vortex Doughnuts IG

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